Before I Was a Mom.

I got a sweet email from a sweet friend today. It was a poem about being a Mom. It made me cry. I read it over and over again, and the more times I read it, the harder I cried. The funny thing is that it's not the first time that I've read this poem. But I guess it is the first time it has hit home so hard. Maybe it just fits the place I'm at in my life right now... the place where nothing much matters but my little boy and his health and happiness. I thought it would be a good poem to put on my blog on Mother's Day, but then I decided that I couldn't wait that long. So here it is...

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"Before I Was A Mom"

Before I was a Mom,

I never tripped over toys or forgot the words to a lullaby.

I didn't worry about whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never been puked on, pooped on, chewed on, peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and thoughts.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots.

I had never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple little grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down.

I never felt my heart break in a million pieces because I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

Before I was a Mom,

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never gotten up every 10 minutes in the middle of the night just to make sure that all was okay.

I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction that comes with being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

I guess a baby really does change everything.

No Pictures. No News.

As most of you know, we went to Vanderbilt again yesterday to meet with the pediatric GI doctor about Jaxon's stomach issues. I, however, do not have pictures because Justin told me that I couldn't take any at the hospital (I did take some in the car seat that I might upload later). And we don't really have any new news either. We do have an appointment next Tuesday, May 5, for an endoscopy. Hopefully after this, we will have news, and it will be good news. Thanks for the prayers yesterday.

Five Dollar Doubles Night

...at the Drive-in, that is.

Saturday night, we went with some friends of ours to the Calvert City Drive-In. For 5 dollars, you could watch two movies (but we only stayed for the first one). It was a night full of fun- Fast and the Furious 4, projectile vomitting courtesy of Jaxon, an outfit change, a game of corn-hole, some great cheeseburgers, a little popcorn... and some wonderful friends in Ber, Josh, Bridgette, John and Megan. Here's Jax and his sun-burned Daddy eating some popcorn.

And here is Mommy and Jax in the back of The Fricks' trailblazer...

And here's Jax, blinded by the flash, and mad that he was in the car and his mommy was not.

Here's Jax and Uncle John shaking a leg to the music playing while the credits were rolling.

And here's the little dude dancing atop my car. Fun times!

The Many Faces of a Crazy Kid.

Mount Everest

Well, maybe he hasn't climbed Mt. Everest YET but my little boy has become quite the climber. Here he decided to climb the shoe rack. He removes any shoe that happens to be in his way, and climbs on up. Lately he has also climbed onto the book shelf and out of the bath tub, and yesterday he climbed into a cooler of ice. Oh the joys of little boys.

Mt. Everest, here he comes!

Acid Reflux Update.

Here's an update on Jaxon's acid reflux. The past two weeks or so, it's been pretty bad again. I think it's been a lot worse because he cries really hard like it's hurting him pretty bad. This breaks my heart, because, of course, I don't want to see him hurt. I took him back to Murray on Thursday. They checked his ears and his throat. Everything looked great except for the fact that he has some molars coming in (which explains his grumpiness). Since his ears were not infected, they referred us back to Nashville. We figured that it would take awhile to get in to see the pediatric gi doctor at Vandy because it took us about 6 weeks to get in the first time. However, I just got a phone call about thirty minutes ago, and Jax has an appointment on Monday (yes, this coming up Monday) at 3:00 p.m.

So there's your update.

Have I Mentioned Lately...

...that I love this boy to bits?

Well, I do.

A Beach Wedding.

My Mom got married Sunday. It was a Beach Wedding. No, she didn't get married ON a beach... she actually married a Beach. Dale Beach, that is. The wedding was at the court house, and we are so glad that Dale is finally officially a part of our family.

My Mom was a beautiful bride.

Here she is with Gravel at the hospital before the wedding.
Here's J-Man, the little ring-bearer looking too cute.

And here's Addison, the flower girl.

Here are Dale, and his daughters (my new sisters). Kelsey, Andrea and Elizabeth.

And here is me, Mom and Kacie.

The Wedding.

The Groom and The Bride.

You may now kiss the bride. Notice Kacie covering her face. She was embarassed.

The whole family after the wedding...

Our family with Mom and Dale.

Justin calls us the Brady Bunch, but we're all girls. I asked Mom if she realized she has 5 daughters now... Poor Dale is outnumbered.

Gran, Day, Addi and Jax.

Jaxon and his Day.

The Beach girls (plus Andrea's boyfriend) and the new husband and wife.

Mr. & Mrs. Beach

Clint, Kacie and Addi

Me, Jus and Jax. We didn't get a good picture...

We're so happy for Mom and Dale... Congratulations!

A Love/Hate Relationship...

Jaxon and Halle Brooke have a love/hate relationship. They get along just fine... unless, of course, Jaxon wants to play with one of Halle's toys. Then she tries to rip his face off, and I have a picture for proof... She really wanted to share his sippy cup, too. It was a big hit that night.
She is beautiful, even if she is a jealous little girl. But she better learn to share her toys soon, because she's going to be a BIG SISTER!

We love you Halle Girl... Pinchy fingers, and all.

I Will Worship...While I'm Waiting

Gravel took a turn in the wrong direction yesterday morning. Since her pneumonia was worse, the doctor decided to do a bronchioscopy (sp?). This meant that they would put her under general anesthesia and remove some of the fluid from her lungs. This is when the doctor realized that one of her lungs had collapsed. He removed almost a liter of fluid from her lungs. She was put on a breathing machine but was doing pretty good. I was in to see her around 4 yesterday afternoon and her heartrate shot up from about 72 to 135 in about 30 seconds. They asked me to leave the room. They did an EKG and had to give her a drug through her IV to slow her heartrate. The first dose did not work so they had to give her a second dose. After the second dose, her heartrate slowed. Her blood pressure is still an issue. Gravel has high blood pressure, and since her lung had collapsed yesterday, they could not give her her blood pressure medicine. So this is why her blood pressure was high. They were able to give it to her yesterday afternoon so maybe it will start leveling off...

Things aren't good. But I'll worship while I wait...

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While I Wait

By John Waller

I’m waiting

I’m waiting on You, Lord

And I am hopeful

I’m waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful

But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting, I will serve You

While I’m waiting, I will worship

While I’m waiting, I will not faint

I’ll be running the race

Even while I wait

I’m waiting

I’m waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful

I’m waiting on You, Lord

Though it’s not easy

But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting

I will worship while I’m waiting

I will serve You while I’m waiting

I will worship while I’m waiting

I will serve You while I’m waiting

I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

He's a Little Boy.

Last Easter, Jaxon looked like this: And this Easter, he looked like this:
Seriously!?!?! When did my baby turn into a little boy?

Missing Something.

Today is day two of my full-time subbing adventures... and I miss my little boy terribly. I really do. I find myself thinking about what he is doing right now so many times throughout the day. As much as he is growing and changing daily, I feel like I'm missing something.

For those of you that don't know, I am subbing Mrs. Lile's maternity leave at GCHS. I started yesterday and I will be here (minus the one week that we're going to Florida in May) until the end of the school year. I left the house at about 7:15 yesterday. Megan babysat Jax (Thanks, Meg). She met me in town after school because Jaxon had a doctor's appointment. His ears and throat looked good and his congestion was much better. However, his weight loss is becoming an issue. On March 25th, Jaxon weighed 24 pounds even. Monday he weighed 23 lbs. 5 oz and Wednesday he weighed 22 lbs. 6 oz. The doctor was, obviously, a little concerned about this. We have to take him back on April 25th for a weight check...

Backing up a bit... I haven't updated you about Gravel in the past few days. Monday Jaxon and I went to see her and she was much much better (or so we thought). On Tuesday, Gravel was put in CCU. She isn't doing well. Her pneumonia is worse. She has aspirated. She now has a catheter. She's had to receive more blood. But in my opinion, the worst thing of all is that we hardly ever get to see her. Visiting hours start at 6a.m. and end at 8p.m. Family is allowed (2 at a time, mind you) into the the room on the even hour for FIFTEEN minutes. Keep in mind that my Gravel has 4 children, 6 grandchildren and 6 great-grandchildren. So the whole only 2 in a time isn't really flying with our family.

So since I had to sub yesterday and I had to take Jax to the doctor, the first time I was able to go in and see her was 6p.m. yesterday. I felt like I missed so much yesterday. I felt like Gravel is in her last days, and I'm not being able to spend much time with her. I didn't mention that there is a strict rule in CCU that doesn't allow children 12 or under to visit. So I had to leave Jax with my MIL. I visited with Gravel at 6 and then again at 8. I got home around 8:40.

And I missed my little boy. We laid down in bed at around 10:30. He was asleep by 11. He cuddled up beside me and closed his little eyes. I was just looking at his little face thinking my heart my explode at any moment because I love him so much.

I got up this morning and did it all over again.

But right now, I feel like I'm missing something.

Chillaxin...

This morning, the little dude was chillaxin in his ball pit with his sippy cup of milk watching Backyardigans. Now that's the life.

Easter at Nana and Paps'....

Sunday after church we went to Justin's parents for Easter dinner. We have family meals there every Sunday, but holidays are always special. We set the timer on my camera to get a family picture before we ate. It turned out pretty good despite the fact that Jaxon would not keep his tongue in his mouth and would not look away from the TV. Daddy and sleeping Jaxon.
Nana and Paps... We love them.

Jax didn't really want to hunt eggs. He really just wanted to play in his grass.

Jonathan, Mya, Kyler, Angie and Ava...

Moo-Moo searching for some Easter eggs...

Our family.

Ava just chilled during the egg hunt. She said maybe she'd try next year.

I thought that this was a funny picture of Kyler hunting for eggs because you could see the egg in the curtains above his head.

Our family again. It would have been a good picture but Jaxon was mad because he wanted down.

Jaxon decided he wanted to hunt for eggs when everyone else was finished.

Like always we had a wonderful Sunday. This Sunday was special. We celebrated the fact that we have a RISEN Savior, and we spent it with the biggest blessings that God has given us, this side of Heaven... family.

Happy Easter, everyone.