Missing Something.

Today is day two of my full-time subbing adventures... and I miss my little boy terribly. I really do. I find myself thinking about what he is doing right now so many times throughout the day. As much as he is growing and changing daily, I feel like I'm missing something.

For those of you that don't know, I am subbing Mrs. Lile's maternity leave at GCHS. I started yesterday and I will be here (minus the one week that we're going to Florida in May) until the end of the school year. I left the house at about 7:15 yesterday. Megan babysat Jax (Thanks, Meg). She met me in town after school because Jaxon had a doctor's appointment. His ears and throat looked good and his congestion was much better. However, his weight loss is becoming an issue. On March 25th, Jaxon weighed 24 pounds even. Monday he weighed 23 lbs. 5 oz and Wednesday he weighed 22 lbs. 6 oz. The doctor was, obviously, a little concerned about this. We have to take him back on April 25th for a weight check...

Backing up a bit... I haven't updated you about Gravel in the past few days. Monday Jaxon and I went to see her and she was much much better (or so we thought). On Tuesday, Gravel was put in CCU. She isn't doing well. Her pneumonia is worse. She has aspirated. She now has a catheter. She's had to receive more blood. But in my opinion, the worst thing of all is that we hardly ever get to see her. Visiting hours start at 6a.m. and end at 8p.m. Family is allowed (2 at a time, mind you) into the the room on the even hour for FIFTEEN minutes. Keep in mind that my Gravel has 4 children, 6 grandchildren and 6 great-grandchildren. So the whole only 2 in a time isn't really flying with our family.

So since I had to sub yesterday and I had to take Jax to the doctor, the first time I was able to go in and see her was 6p.m. yesterday. I felt like I missed so much yesterday. I felt like Gravel is in her last days, and I'm not being able to spend much time with her. I didn't mention that there is a strict rule in CCU that doesn't allow children 12 or under to visit. So I had to leave Jax with my MIL. I visited with Gravel at 6 and then again at 8. I got home around 8:40.

And I missed my little boy. We laid down in bed at around 10:30. He was asleep by 11. He cuddled up beside me and closed his little eyes. I was just looking at his little face thinking my heart my explode at any moment because I love him so much.

I got up this morning and did it all over again.

But right now, I feel like I'm missing something.