Mother's Day 2010

"Grown don't mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What's that supposed to mean? In my heart it don't mean a thing."

-Toni Morrison, Beloved

It's so funny the things that you don't understand before you're a mom. Like why your mom wants to talk to you every day. I mean, I enjoy talking to my mom every day, but sometimes I feel like I don't have anything to say. Does she really just want to hear about my day? I guess so, because she continues to call.

And then, I was a mom. And I immediately understood. Even though I'm 24, I'm her baby. She wants to hear my voice every day and tell me that she loves me every day. I understand that now. Because I'm a mom.

I can't imagine going a day without hearing his voice.

Then there are other things that I thought that I did understand- and then I became a mother and learned that there's no possible way that I do really understand them. Like love.
I thought I had love figured out. I knew that I loved my husband with an everlasting love that I had never felt for anyone else. I knew that I had a special love for my family. I knew that I would someday love my children...

But I had no idea about that kind of love...

...and then he came along. He showed me what love really is. He completed me.

Jaxon,

Some things I understand better. Some things I don't understand at all. But I'm thankful that you are here to teach me all of the things that I don't understand. When I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a mommy. There's nothing that I wanted more. Some girls dream of being teachers, nurses, doctors... I dreamed of being a mommy. You made my dreams come true. I was so excited during the 9 months that you were in my belly because I knew that the moment I looked upon your face for the first time, life would make a little more sense to me. I prayed for you every day and I wondered what you would be like, but I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would have a baby boy as beautiful, precious and amazing as you are. You are so full of personality- so full of life! You are so much more than I ever imagined. I love your smile and your laugh. I love the way that you talk and mimic everything that your daddy and I do. I love watching you grow each day and I love that you discover new things every morning. I pray that God will use you in amazing ways as you grow- and I have faith that He is going to. I really do feel like my purpose in life was to be your Mommy and to help shape you into the man that you will all too soon become. Just do Mommy a favor and stay little for as long as you can, okay.
I love you more than life itself, Jaxon Thorpe. I never knew how much love my heart could hold, and then you came into my life.

Thanks for helping me understand.

Love,

Your Mommy